Sunday, August 28

csp reflection.

sigh still feeling kinda depressed. the depression and anxiety just refused to go away. and the tears will just fall, free and fast. erh no. i wont cry. i refused to let a tear drop. but ohwells i am not that strong after all. whatever.

i am currently struggling with csp reflection. its really horrifying trust me. my mood was really lousy today and i am easily irritable as usual. but a call from jelly really brightened my day. thnks alot jelly~

hm LA filming yesterday was relatively good. except that i spent 10 bucks buying a lousy and useless rainbow-coloured kite. but at least it was some use in our film and i have started to fall in love with rainbows and stuff. i love sweety's cai hong yan lei to bits cann. its currently on 'repeat track' mode on my zen and i have listened to more than 10 times these few days. broke my record le. when i am not listening to my zen i will be humming the tune. no more of SHE's yes i love you.

no love for me. i am not falling in love ever again. not to even mention confessing my love. yucks. whatever.

let me continue talking about yesterday's filming. met with the others at kallang mrt at 730 in the morning. yes you didnt see wrongly. its SEVEN THIRTY IN THE MORNING. when i should have been sleeping and dreaming happily where no worries can find me.

but i woke up early and dad fetched me to the mrt station. i was in my usual outfit. bermudas and tee laa. then listened to cai hong yan lei while waiting for jess and wj. then we decided to change venue and walked to take a taxi to the basketball court at kampong arang. and you noe what, we actually lost our way. or rather i led the way to a dead end. sorry abt that.

then we took the wrong bus. and finally we took taxi to the destination. the taxi driver was nice. filmed our scene and there were NGs like how many times. and i kept walking back and fro. the sun was scorching hot and i was perspiring like crazy. then we played volleyball and used volleyball to play basketball cos wj havent come so no bball. then he came and filmed the scene. gosh i was like sitting in the scorching sun. ahhh. after that finally i had a reward. jelly and i bought ourselves snickers bar. yummy. snicker bars jus rawk. and i received help with my diet. so i only ate half a snicker bar.

took bus to city hall then to marina bay. it was a hot day and we bought drinks to cool ourselves down. there wasnt much wind and hence kite flying wasnt very successful and maybe cos we were too ambitious. hm but eventually we finished filming and on the way home we were.

was really tired after reaching home so i decided to take a nap. only to realise that the nap actually lasted till like 730 PM?!! from 2 plus to 7pm. you can understand how weary i was. all the filming and stress i am facing. i have never been this stressed before. not even when i was taking eoy at the end of the year or psle. NEVER. sigh.

when i woke up and was going to take a bath, i realised that my arms and face were red. yes sunburn. ah theres a price to pay for everything in life. and i had to sacrifice for filming. hmm whenever i get sunburn, it will be so distinct cos i am fair. when i told my parents abt my sunburn, i got nagged at for not putting on sunblock lotion. i mean i didnt know i wld be sitting in the sun anyway, i had on moisturiser so maybe it wasnt that bad. my cheeks are exceptionally pink and rosy now.

woke up really early this morning. studied bio. but crap i cant remember much. gosh. i think my ambition can never be fulfilled. and all my efforts shall prove to be futile. aiya. how come i become so pessimistic nowadays. jelly is getting more optimistic conversely. i guess what goes around comes around. but i hate pessimism!! maybe thats why i am starting to hate life and worst, myself.

this is bad. i hope everything will return to what it used to be. but i noe one thing cannot. and it will never be the same again. but whatever it is, i will learn to be strong and i know i will never be alone cos i have friends, who will always be there for me and of cos, the rainbow which will always be there for me when i tear. the sunshine will accompany with my smile when a brand new day comes. maybe life isnt that bad after all. hm i can feel my optimism returning.

and for now i just wanna say~ i love all my friends. i really do. thanks lots for being there for me. you are greatly appreciated and loved (: esp those who have been accompanying me through this period of utter depression and blue-ness.

for i know with you, i will never stay blue.


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