Sunday, October 30

my untidy bedroom

I attempted to tidy up my room a little jus now. But to my utter disappointment, it seems to become more untidy than before. Ohgosh. So well now it's super untidy. HELP. I can't stand the sight of it now. Books, notes, magazines, newspapers, stationery, my personal stuff here and there, EVERYWHERE. ah. And the problem is I don't know which books can I put away first cos I am apparently still having schooldays when the other secondary schools students are already enjoying their holidays. Yes. DHP Yr 3 students still have another 2 weeks of schooldays to endure. Ok actually it's nothing bad la. So i really shouldnt start wailing about it for nothing. Aiya my room is jus such a pigsty laa. GRR.

I think I need more book shelves and cupboards and drawers. I shall drop by at Ikea one day. The best thing would be that I get a study room. Yay. There is this white elephant in my bedroom now and that is my desktop. Ah. It's beyond hope le. I cant even be bothered to find out what is the problem with it. I havent switch on it for like months? ever since my parents got me this darling laptop which i am using now hahas.

In fact i didnt even realise its existence until my mom nagged at me a few days before about piling up stuff on the computer keyboard and how that will damage the keyboard yada yada. Aiya who cares la. And its wholly my brother's fault for doing sth to the comp and then its spoilt. bummer. I was so thankful for this laptop. It totally saved me and juehui and the other LA grp members' lives. But it also resulted in me not getting enough sleep cos I did editing with it the whole night through.

This year is not too bad a year generally. I have a whole grp of haojiemeis and made a few godbrothers and godsisters. But there is one bad thing and that is I lost many hours of sleep. Firstly i went on two overseas immersions this yr. One to Paris/ London in March and the other one was to Germany in May/ June. Both the trips were fun but after returning from Paris/ London, I suffered from jet lag and fell sick for a month i think. It was terrible laa. I didnt sleep well on the plane either.

For ther Germany trip, it was much better. Hm I managed to sleep a bit on the plane. And every night there i had a good night sleep. Then I slept on the bus too, on juehui's shoulder. Muhahas. Then i was smart enough to bring vitamins this time and so after returning to singapore i was healthy and filled with energy that i didnt even suffer from jet lag. yays.

There was this Multiple Intelligences week, also known as MI week where we had to work in a grp to organize some stuff for the school and make use of the different intelligences etc. For my grp, we were supposed to plan a Kaleidoscope for DHS. And on the last day before the submission of the proj, all of us stayed up awake till like 5 am to complete the project! Yes its jus so terrible la.

Then theres the LA film. We were in such a crisis and no one was willing to lend a helping hand to us. I am only referring to certain people kaes. We faced dejection and rejection, merely because my grp dont have very chio girls. Aiya actually have de lo. Just that some people are blind. Then there were grp members who werent very cooperative but eventually become cooperative and i am thankful for that. However for the editing part... the day before the submission, i met up with juehui and shumin and jess at juehui's hse. we wanted to finish the editing then hand in on that particular day. But we couldnt make it on time so i brought the film home to edit it. I then edited it all the way to around 6 am the next day. I didnt sleep at all. then i went to sleep at 6 hoping to wake up at 7 and meet shumin and juehui in sch at 8 but... i was too tired. So tired that i only woke up at 9 plus i think. AH.

I am not trying to boast about how noble i am... sacrificing my sleep for the grp or anything. I am jus trying to say how cruel the projects were this year, depriving us of our sleep etc.

Then the doing of the portfolio also made me stay up till 5 am. Ok maybe cos i am a perfectionist, just like juehui la. She and yunyin stayed up the whole night and went to school in the morning.

It's the same for everyone i think and the main issue here would be time management. I think I need to get a course on managing time or sth.

We had parentchild day yesterday. Quite fun bahs. We bowed to our parents in the audi then went to the sec4 wallless and presented our portfolio to our parents. After that we went to the avt to watch the LA film and my grp's film was played by mr ken. I know it is quite lousy and some people couldnt understand what our film is about. Its also long and naggy... around 20 minutes.

But do you know how much courage we had to pluck up in order to overcome the LA crisis? You will never know. cos you are not one of us. You don't know how many scripts i had to do in order to finally decide on one. YOu don't know how much efforts shumin took to draw the storyboard. You don't know the misery and depression we went through. You don't know how much tears and perspiration we had to shed. You don't know how dejected we felt after being rejected. You don't know how much a few words of criticism could hurt and demoralize us. We know that the film is lousy. We all know that. But it was considered not too bad a product which we had to rush out after a few days of filming and another few days of editing with sleepless nights. We just wanted to hear some encouraging comments. We don't need anymore insults. It's too heartbreaking to know that the film which we had tried our best to complete is actually being despised. You think we dont want it to be perfect? WE TRIED OUR BEST. WE PUT IN OUR BEST EFFORT.

You will never know the torture and humiliation we had to endure. Do you know that we only learnt how to use the window movie maker only like a few days before the deadline? Do you know the fear we had as we witnessed the passing of every minute? Do you know how early i had to rush to yunyin's hse to upload the video? Do you know how much taxi fares my mom have to pay? Do you know the distance juehui and i walk after getting the usb cable of my zen? Do you know how much snacks yunyin's maid, juehui's mom and my mom had to prepare for us cos we didnt have time to even think about our daily meals? Do you know how much internal conflicts there were within our grp? Do you know how tough it is to be sandwiched between ppl of different opinions? Do you know how tiring and hard it is to be a peacemaker and making decisions which everyone could agree on? Do you know the sadness we felt when were realised that part of our video was overwritten? Do you know how tough it was to juggle directing, editing, acting and script writing? Do you know how swollen our wrists were after the games of volleyball? Do you know the sunburnt we got on our faces and arms? Do you know that we actually had to fork out a budget for the neoprints, kite and tape? Do you know that we had to go around looking for cameramen? Do you know how much troubles we brought to our kind parents and classmates? Do you understand the period of fear and terror we lived in, afraid to learn that how much time we were left with for completing the film? Do you know how fed up and scared we were when the comp suddenly hanged and when the midis from couldnt be used in window movie maker? Do you know how many voice over we did?

YES our film is lousy. It's below standard, not professional at all, not up to standard, disgusting, totally unacceptable. BUT before you say anything to hurt us, can you please have some humanity in you and try to understand the torture, misery and depression we went through? Everyone makes mistakes. We have learnt from our mistakes. Cant you just keep your very much valuable opinions to yourself? You dont know how much your words can hurt. YOU DONT KNOW. YOU WILL NEVER KNOW. Cos you are not me, you are not shumin, you are not juehui, you are not jessalyn, you are not one of us.

Although you dont know, can you pls try not to be so harsh with your words? It hurts. It really hurts. THe harshness and cruelity of this reality is really too heavy a load on our shoulders. The fact that only hunks and babes rule. Please, spare us your cruel comments. We will appreciate it.

We did our best and we knew it. But just one word of insult can put us right now and lower our self- esteem. Think about it. You are almost as cruel as hitler. Everyone need their self- pride. Everyone wants to hear words of encouragement. Remember the theme song for 'I not stupid?'
It's the learning experience/ process and not the end product that matters. But still despite that, its not sufficient for us to just believe in ourselves, we need others to believe in us. Believe that we can do it. Believe that we had done our best. Believe that we had learnt our lessons. Believe that we will do better the next time.

Sorrie for getting all emotional out of the blue. But i really feel alot of my grp's LA film. Cos i myself put in alot of effort in it, together with the others. One negative comment is just like a stab in my heart. Two or more negative comments is jus like pulling out the knife from my heart, practically ending my life. Please have a little kindness in you and dont hurt us anymore.


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