Wednesday, October 4

Sad vs Happy

I was quite determined to post some emo and self-demoralizing entry. I feel like ranting. Today is the first day since I got back from Nanjing that I felt like this. So self-worthless. Dammit.

Whatever I said today seemed to oppose every other person's opinion. Haiya. I know that I shouldnt have made any judgement. Or rather I shouldnt have made public my judgement. Becos it is common sense that there will be people who oppose your judgement. Who am I to even judge I am not her and not him? I don't know her very well. I may not understand him as well as I thought. AND I don't know a single thing about love kaes. This reason is enough to take away my rights to judge.

Yea people may think that the guy is a loser who can't accept rejection but just how many people can accept rejection and get on with life la? Come'on laa. It's not that simple. Otherwise why would people describe love as a bottomless pit? And it's because of this monster named rejection, many people dare not confess. At least he has the courage to confess. It's not easy to progress from friends to lovers. Just a confession might just rip the friendship apart. So even if the rejection can be accepted, the fear and insecurity of maintaining the friendship is overwhelming enough to cause misery.

Get it clear. I am not making any judgement here. I am just stating my opinions. And I am not naming whoever I am talking about. If you think you know who I am talking about then that's that. But if you're wrong then too bad.

As for the girl, there's nothing wrong with rejecting the guy since she has no feelings for him. I believe it's only right not to continue misleading the guy. I wouldnt rule out 'avoidance' as the best solution. Really. It might be cruel but well at least the pain is short-term. You can go back to being friends once he is able to manage his emotions well. There might be a psychological barrier but just take the time to overcome it laa. And guess what I think that friendships are more everlasting and reliable in the long run. Love's pretty much ephemeral.

Also sometimes the actions and gestures of girls (I am speaking in general here) might mislead guys to think that the girls like them. Cos sometimes the gestures intended to be brotherly might just be mistaken. And usually the girls will do it unknowingly so it's not their faults. It's not the guys' faults too. Hello laa. We are talking about teenagers. Who's not curious about love. Who don't want true love?!

Like what the group of us, girls were talking about on the train, it's not hard to remain single and not have boyfriends in the next two years. This I totally agree. Reasons being I am not ready for commitment and I think it's safer to concentrate on studies since we don't have O'level certificate. Studies is more important. For I am a student. And looking at the small pool of guys in dhp, it is really not that hard. lol

Back onto L-O-V-E, the complex yet sweet thing. Well the complexity is enough to make someone's life miserable. BUT. Indulging in fantasy romance don't hurt. Neither does the indulging in astrology and horoscopes. I am currently itching to do some volunteer work. Ohya and sometimes what you think is a crush might just turn out to be merely an obsession. The guy/girl might be so obsessed that he/she let his/her whole world revolves around that particular guy/girl. That's so silly. But usually it's also done unknowingly. And the guy/girl may even find himself/herself silly when he/she looks back in the future.

See how complex it is. I am steering clear of this monster and keep this complexity out of my life. There's so much beauty in life to be admired and appreciated. And when you let your life revolves around another individual, you totally lose out on admiring and appreciating the people and things around you. The people who care and love you. The things which make your life beautiful. Dont' waste your life. Cos life is too short. And of cos the worst thing would be to entertain thoughts about shortening your already very short life.

My mom and I heard a loud 'bang' from outside our flat just now. It was an accident near the pedestrians crossing. Accidents. See how uncertain life is. So uncertain that it makes me fear. Fear of what might happen the next second.

And again the motorists and motorcyclists at the two pedestrians crossing across my flat are really inconsiderate. They treat it like they own the road and they will just zoom past it. Ok not all. But there are quite a few. One day last few weeks when I was crossing the pedestrian crossing, this motorcyclist with another passenger on the back of his motorbike just zoomed past me after I increased my pace a bit. It was just a few centimetres away from me as it zoomed past me. Whoa I was so relieved after I reached the pathway in front of my flat. Narrow escape. And I am sure more blessings will follow. I am not ready to die young. I havent show enough appreciation for all.

whee. Finally ranted out what I wanted to say. Now I felt lighter. No more heavy load stuck on me. Yes life should be like this. H-A-P-P-Y. There's no school tomorrow and on friday. Off-days. Tomorrow is truly an off-day. But friday, saturday and sunday are project-days. Have to complete two projects - CSP and UN Mock. I don't know what my programmes are for tomorrow. Not much plans yet. Might be going to the library if my friend remembers. After that I may just hm go walk around Singapore I guess. Ohya! Maybe go and admire those artworks at the link between Esplanade and Cityhall. I didnt get to admire the artworks when I went there for 'Forbidden City' musical. Yep... or maybe I can return to my primary school but the p6 students are having their PSLE Maths paper tomorrow. My brother's already asleep. Wish him all the best.

My left ankle swelled up again, after the sprain in Nanjing. It's only painful at times. Should be ok laa. Dont want to spend money and cause pain to myself by going to the physician. Just received Huang Lin's sms on a girls' outing at east coast tomorrow. Havent reply. Should I go? Not exactly feeling very social currently. Should consider first.

Today's enrichment course at Ngee Ann rocks! Logic gates are so fun and the lecturer, Mr Choo is so humorous. Ah really enjoyed myself. I prefer the logic gates to oscilloscope. And I am definitely looking forward to more of such courses in the future. Physics is fun. I think I will be taking physics next year.

I am still not sure about the subject combi I will be taking. Still deciding between Econs and Elit. I may take both but I am afraid that it might jeopardize my other subjects and that's the last thing that I want. Next year I should be focusing on studies and service learning I guess. I hope to be in the same class as JH, YL, YY and SM again. The probability of being in the same class as JH and YL is higher I guess.

Well well. I am going off to watch tv and maybe continue the cross-stitching. I realised how difficult and tedious backstitching is! Argh. Alot of patience needed. Alright that's all for today.


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