Saturday, August 6

contact lens

hm I'm really looking forward to the CIP tomorrow. We will be selling donation tickets for MINDS. JH, YL, YY, Jingle and me will be selling the tickets at bedok. Pls come and support us and help the less fortunate. Doing a good deed would really make your day you know (:

Hm it's supposed to be my class CIP but I don't think the whole class will be going to the same venue which defeats the purpose of doing a class activity and improving our class spirit. Anyway will be meeting with the others for breakfast tomorrow before starting CIP. Yay. I am so super excited. Whee.

We were told to wear blue through the email from the Socrates but I don't have blue shirt. So yeps. After CIP we shall go shopping at bedok interchange. That's another thing to look forward. Life can be so meaningful when you don't keep looking back. There are just so many things to look forward to in life that looking back to your past will only bring you to nowhere. But my memories. Oh never mind.

I'm wearing contact lens now. Hm my eyes are kind of dry. Going to take them out soon. I am glad that the LA online lesson videos are still at the website. Going to check them out later.

YY and Jingle called me just now. They were out on an excursion for History. Then they said they were waiting for the president and that Miss Devi went to buy drinks for them. Hahas. That phone call really did brighten up my day. Today's a rather boring day. Nothing exciting has happened.

I still havent develop the photos taken in London and Paris and Germany. Grrr I am like dying to put the photos into my new photo album. Hopefully I can get them developed REAL soon.

Would be dropping by at Hang Ten tomorrow to get new red tee for National Day if there are nice ones. My mom just lent me her member card. OHya Just remembered that there's Jollibean or Mr Bean at Bedok. Gonna buy the soya bean pearl milk. Yummy. I want to go Watson too.

Don't know if we have to wear school skirts tomorrow for the CIP. Was thinking of wearing jeans. Hahas. Sms-ed one of the socrates but she didn't reply so if she still doesn't reply I think I will wear my school skirt with sports shoes.

Hmm I mentioned something like 'loving you makes me an angel without wings' in the entry yesterday night when I was in a SO terrible mood. Well I overheard this phrase in Chinese over the fm 933 radio station during music diary.

ai ni de ren jiu xiang duan le chi bang de tian shi

The DJ didn't explain or elaborate then it was really amazing to realise that I could actually elaborate and crap about it when I was feeling rotten last night. And my explanation seemed rater logical.

Loving you makes me an angel without wings. Your love took my wings away. Makes me transform into a ordinary being and fall into a bottomless pit. Without my wings, I might still be an angel. An unknown one. Almost without identity. And without my wings I can't fly out of the bottomless pit, only able to fall deeper and deeper into it. What's worse is that you didn't catch me when I fall. You make me fall in love with you and you hurt me. You break my heart and forsake me. So if I have the choice, I would choose my wings instead of you. With my wings, I could fly. I could fly up high in the sky, with my worries and troubles lagging behind me and I don't have to care about them. I could fly till a place filled with happiness and joy. No sorrow and tears. But if I choose to love you, I would only live in misery forever. Yearning for your never-possible love.

Hahas. I have always love the song 'Chi Xin Jue Dui' by Li Sheng Jie. The lyrics are meaningful.

Xiang yong yi bei latte ba ni guan zui (How I wish to make you drunk with a cup of Latte)
Hao rang ni neng duo ai wo yi dian (So that you could love me more)
An lian de zi wei (The flavour of admiring someone secretly)
Ni bu dong zhe zhong gan jue (You will never understand this type of feeling)
Zao you ren pei de ni yong yuan bu (You will never understand as you already as someone by your side)

Latte can never make one drunk. It could only make her more clear-minded than before and it would never be possible for her to love him AT ALL. See the irony. The flavour of him admiring the girl secretly could never be understood by the girl as she already has someone by her side.

Kan jian ni he ta zai wo mian qian (Seeing the both of you)
Zheng ming wo de ai zhi shi yu mei (Is evident that it's all my wishful thinking)
Ni bu dong wo de na xie qiao cui (You never know why I am emaciated)
Shi ni yong yuan bu cen guo de ti hui (You will never experience the feelings I am experiencing)

Seeing the girl and her boyfriend together makes him realise that it's all his wishful thinking. She has never loved him. It's a one-sided love and an unrequited one unfortunately. You are living happily with your prince. You will never know how devastated I am.

ah ha. the chorus (below) is the most meaningful.

Wei ni fu chu na zhong shang xin ni yong yuan bu liao jie
(You will never understand the sadness and heartbreaks you caused me to experience)

Wo you he ku mian qiang zi ji ai shang ni de yi qie
(Why should I force myself to fall in love with your everything)
Ni you hen hen bi tui wo de fang bei
(And you keep compelling back my guarding against you ruthlessly)
Jing jing guan shang men lai mo shu wo de lei
(I count my tears in silence behind the door)

Ming zhi dao rang ni li kai ta de shi jie bu ke neng hui
(Although I know very well that it's impossible to let you leave him)
Wo hai sha sha deng dao qi ji chu xian de na yi tian
(Yet I still wait patiently for the day when a miracle will happen)
Zhi dao na yi tian ni hui fa xian
(Till one day you shall realise)
Zhen zheng ai ni de ren du zi shou zhi shang bei
(The person who has been loving you truely has been living with heartbreaks alone all this while)

nice har? Sorrie for my lousy translation. Some of the words are directly translated. Apologies for that. Sigh unrequited love. Infatuation. This reminds me of Mr Ken's lecture on Viola's love for Orsino. Well for your info, they are characters in Shakespeare's Twelfth Night, another of his romantic comedies. Viola is so giving and Orsino is so taking so they makes a perfect couple. But I cant't stand Orsino's self indulgence and him being in love with the idea of in love. It's so ridiculous. But love is blind you see. That's a good example. I better stop this before I go on and on about how love is blind and that friendship isn't.

It hit upon me today that friendship and kinship are essential in life. Just like the phone call Jingle and YY gave just now in the evening. It just brightened up my day. Kinship. Yesterday there was this huge cockroach in my toilet and I woke my grandmom up to catch it. Heee. See our loved ones are always there to care for us, protect us, brave with us the rain and storm.

But love? You have to give so much and you might not even receive anything in return. Or maybe you don't even ask for anything in return. But what if you only receive a heartbreak after all your givings and everything? What comes next? Devastation. Why bring this upon you? Instead of wasting your time, efforts and feelings on someone you know whom isn't worth it, why not do some community service activites and serve the community? It will definitely bring you some kind of satisfaction as you are helping others, doing good deeds.

I will never forget the feelings I get after doing CIP. Whether is it bringing the elderly to the Botanic Garden or on an Orchard Road tour or giving the juniors tuition. It should all come from the heart. Sincerely and whole-heartedly.

And at least you will know that it's all worth it (:


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