Friday, October 13

Warning: EMO POST

Dammit. I dont know who is going to read this post of mine but beware, it's gonna be an emo post. yea EMO. Yep so please siam if you cant tolerate emo-post, cos I dont think I can tolerate your nonsense too.

I am currently breaking into rashes. Really itchy rashes. wdh. I dont know why. It has been itching since last night. Rashes started appearing on my neck and back. Dammit. It's gonna be so dammit ugly. grr.

I watched World Trade Centre jus now with my friend. It was a touching show. VERY touching. I cried and I felt embarrassed. I don't understand why I can be touched by some films. I was tearing but not as badly as the way I did when I watched 'I Not Stupid Too'. Lesser amount of tears but I actually tasted a few drops of my own tears. It was salty. oh man I am thankful that my friend didnt question me about me crying cos it's so dammit embarrassing. But this shows that the film is a successful one. Yea way to go that Oliver guy director. I forgot his name.

Alright now the emo part. Can some kind souls out there tell me what to do? Cos I really don't know what to do. The numbness and emptiness... can be summed up by just one word - Dammit. This sudden rush of emotions came at the wrong time. I am supposed to be feeling sad yet I am feeling all angry and itchy thks to the irritating rashes and my bad temper. I am angry at myself.

I feel hurt when others feel hurt. I feel twice the hurt when others hurt me. It's like stabbing a dagger into your heart and pulling it out. It's like cutting your flesh halfway and then tearing it off. The pain.

I have always preferred external injuries to internal injuries. When I bleed I know that I am injured, though I usually only discover my wounds after a while. Oh ya talking about that, WTC is kinda bloody. Yea I was pretty disgusted by the scenes and grabbed my jacket's sleeve throughout the film. Ok that's random. Yea when it's internal injuries, I can't see. I can only feel the pain. But who knows if the pain is imaginary, who knows. A quote from WTC, when you feel pain, it shows that you are alive.

Yea I am alive and I am so thankful for it. WTC's thought-provoking. It tells us to cherish and appreciate everyone around us. Dont wait till the last minute. Who knows, it might be too late to say the three words.

The three words that mean so much to someone who loves you.
The three words that someone might has been waiting for you to say.
The three words that might give someone the will to live on.
The three words.
I love you.

I cried during the movie. Cos I was thinking, what if one day such things (touch wood) happen to me, I would die with regrets. lotsa countless regrets, like:

1) I have not gone on an overseas expedition for volunteering in third world countries.
2) I have not mastered yoga.
3) I have not been to kbox with shumin.
4) I have not finished reading all my romance novels.
5) I have not finished analyzing the 12 horoscopes.
6) I have not been in love before.
7) I have not gotten my laptop to be repaired.
8) I have not gotten excellent academic results for my parents to be proud of.
9) I have not started to earn money so that I can give my parents monthly allowance.
10) I have not told my friends and family how much I love them.
11) I have not shown my friends and him the poems I wrote for them.
12) I have not been to Gold Coast, Italy, Tokyo, Hong Kong and Vivocity etc.
13) I have not tried Chou Dou Fu.
14) I have not been to any of Jay Chou's concerts at all.
15) I have not pooled enough yet.
16) I have not been to many places in Singapore yet.
17) I have not learnt driving yet.
18) I have not lost weight yet.
19) I have not finished watching Jin San Shun with my Nanjing godsis.
20) I have not done enough good deeds.

The lists go on and on. ENDLESS. To sum up: I dont deserve to die.

Sometimes, some words are jus so damn hard to say. But who knows, if you dont say it now, when will you have the chance to say it? Tomorow may not come. Yesterday cannot return. We only have today. Only today.

Some words, I have been dying to say. But being too egotistical I always can't say it. I just cant. I cant. Yea though some words I cant say it. There's many doubts I would like to clarify, many question marks inside my head, waiting for someone to answer me or even say the words. I don't know. Complex world. Complex life. But nah I am not going to give up cos of this complexity. I am not a loser. NEVER~

Every day shall be a happy day. Every problem shall be a challenge. I know, easier said than done. At least I've said it, one less regret for me. whee.

Lost the license to care for somebody
The distance is increasing
1m, 2m, 100m, 1000m
There's no need to explain anyway
Some things are meant to be
Some things jus cant be forced
Some things just dont go the way I want
This is life
Life's predestined by destiny
Destiny is fate
Some things you just cant wait
Cos it'll be gone, gone, gone
Oh man I am lost in my own world
Someone save me.

(ha. i think this sounds like a song. nah jus a random poem by me that don't rhyme, crap.)

screwed. tell me what to do. tell me what to do. please please tell me what to do.


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