my life's in a mess

hey. i am here to blog. i really should be studying physics now cos the test is like tmr? yesh. and i havent do maths and chem. argh. life's getting really miserable lately. in conclusion, it is practically in a mess. correction. its is totally in a mess.

my mom just called angela just now. the STA tour agent and told her that i already has the international student identity card. we have to bring passport sized photos tmr for the making of the card. but i already has the card cos i went on the europe trip in march. and ms pear told mii to make another one. issit wrong to own two identity cards? though its free laa. but wad for trouble the tour agency to make another one. and waste their erhh capital. whatever.

life is really getting terrible. my grades are dropping. i dont have special talents. i cant sing. i am blur and sotong. i am fat. i am not tanned. i am weak. my eng and chi are just buckets of drain water. so WHAT'S THE POINT OF LIVING.

relax relax. i am not thinking of suicide or anything. i am just getting sick and tired of all the happenings around mii. but i am glad that i have friends and family who will always be there for mii. but some friends can tend to be quite insensitive and sarcastic at times. and it hurts. really.

physics test. four chapters to study. i have been studying the mainstream textbook since seven. i took a nap at 4 and woke up at 630. today's not a really a bad day in school. but i got this really terrible headache during bsp. and became moody. another case of mood swing i guess.

had a mini quiz for cme today. sure gonna flunk it. mrs phua came in for bio to teach chem cos ms loh not here. after one period o chem we had a free period where most of us were piaing maths. spent recess in cls. though my stomach's growling. i dun care.

after recess was maths. helmi gave notes on graphs. then the cls niaoed him abt ms huda. it was very funny. and he seemed embarrassed by all the teasing.

after maths was bsp. mr fong went thru the hols assignment and told us that we will be going to china for 6 months immersion proj next year. oh wow. how am i going to survive there. when i dun even noe if i can survive during the 9 days germany trip.

sc has this activity day on 1 june and needless to say, i cant go. i think i am the only one not going for pslc. i noe i am gonna miss out lotsa things. and my mom kinda regretted letting mii go on the germany trip. cos of my worries abt the trip and the treatment i will most probably receive during the trip. argh. i regret going too. buts everything's too late. but anyway no one will care abt my surivival or existence there on the trip. maybe except for yuhan and juehui.

i noe this blog entry sounds really erhs angry and frustrating. sorrie abt it but i seriously need to vent out my anger before i can concentrate on physics revision. i have no idea why my life has taken a turn for the worse during term two. and worse still, when the very special day of my life is approaching.

take for example, some ppl whom i am gd friends with in term 1 actually become almost like strangers to mii now. ppl put mii down and make mii realise the so many flaws that i have. inferiority sarks. sorry for the vulgarity. but anyway. ya. nothing in life is a constant. but do things have to change so drastically in just a few months' time? i cant adapt. i seriously cant. i cant accept it either.

life has become so terrible, horrible, miserable and utter disappointment. WHY.

i have decided that i dun wan my fairytale anymore. i can dream abt it. i can wish and hope about it. but i am not going to want it. why the sudden decision. cos i have come to my senses.

this world judges by looks. chiobus. shuaiges. looks do matter. no one can deny this fact rite. and trying to escape from the reality doesnt help. i dun have looks. so i am not going to have any fairytale. WHATEVER.

i miss my childhood. teenage years are so er miserable yesh. its only during the innocent childhood then can you truly believe that a prince will kiss a princess and they live happily ever after. now that we have grown up, then why does guang liang still have to write a song on tong hua?! grrrr.

its 1100. and i think i should get back to studying. will still be online but my msn status is busy. and PLEASE. do not ask mii or question mii abt this entry at all. cos well you noe. mood swings. you wont noe when i am happy and when i would be sad. so if you happened to question mii abt this when i am happy. i can get really mad cannn. so PLEASE.

some people just dont keep their promises. ers ya including mii. ok never mind.

now i truely believe that what goes around comes around.